"But I don’t really know what I want."
When I first started working as a coach, I didn’t expect to hear this sentence as often as I did. At the time, I wasn’t fully aware of how many people struggle to connect with their authentic selves and find clarity about what they truly want in life. It dawned on me that before diving into career, relationship, financial or health goals, we need to make ‘self-knowledge’ a goal in itself.
It’s only natural to get caught up in the expectations of others, societal norms, or the relentless pursuit of success. As social beings, we often find ourselves people-pleasing, seeking validation, and comparing our worth to others. In the process, we neglect our own needs and become so distracted by external noise that our inner voice fades into the background.
"What do I truly want in life?" This million-dollar question can feel both liberating and terrifying at once. Yet, answering it is crucial for living a meaningful, authentic life.
The truth is, once you have a clear picture of what you truly want, getting it becomes much easier.
With that in mind, let me guide you through practical strategies and insightful exercises to help unlock the answer to this fundamental question. Whether you're at a crossroads, searching for purpose, or simply trying to connect with your deeper desires, these steps can help you find clarity on your path.
1. Tune into Your Inner Voice
Most of us have an inner voice—an intuition that quietly whispers beneath the noise of everyday life. But often, this voice is drowned out by societal expectations, family pressures, and the well-meaning influence of friends. To truly understand what you want in life, you first need to reconnect with yourself and listen to that inner voice.
How to Do It:
Start by reducing external distractions and creating both external and internal boundaries. This means limiting the influence of other people’s opinions and creating space for your own thoughts to emerge.
Here are some practical ways to tune into your inner voice:
Practice mindfulness or meditation to quiet your mind.
Taking just a few minutes each day to sit in stillness can help heighten your awareness of inner thoughts and feelings that often go unnoticed. For instance, you might realize during meditation that you’ve been feeling uneasy about something —this discomfort can be a signal from your inner voice trying to tell you something important.
Honor your needs and feelings.
Journaling is an excellent tool for this. Write down your thoughts about decisions you're facing or future goals you're considering, and then reflect on how each one makes you feel.
For example, if you feel anxious about pursuing a promotion but peaceful when you think about starting a side business, that’s valuable insight into what aligns more closely with your true desires.
Listen to your body.
Physical sensations can also provide valuable clues. Pay attention to whether you feel tension, discomfort, or lightness when thinking about specific choices. If the idea of moving to a new city, for instance, makes your shoulders tense up, that’s worth reflecting on. On the other hand, a sense of ease or excitement may indicate that a decision is in line with your true self.
By regularly tuning inward and becoming comfortable with your thoughts and feelings, you'll begin to distinguish between what truly matters to you and what you’ve been conditioned to believe is important.
2. Evaluate Your Current Life
Take a moment to assess your current situation: your career, relationships, hobbies, and daily routine. Ask yourself, "Am I genuinely happy and fulfilled by this?"
Reflect on the following:
- Do you feel energized or drained by your work and daily activities?
- Do your relationships make you feel seen, heard, supported and loved?
- Are you growing and challenging yourself, or are you stuck in a comfort zone?
Being brutally honest about what’s working and what isn’t will help you start filtering out what doesn’t serve your long-term happiness.
3. Identify Your Core Values
Understanding your core values—the principles that guide your behavior and decisions—is key to knowing what you truly want. When your actions and choices align with these values, you experience a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
To identify your values:
- Write down moments in life when you felt truly happy, proud, or fulfilled. What values were you honoring in those moments?
- Ask yourself, "What principles do I want to live by?" This could be things like honesty, creativity, freedom, or service to others.
- Use a list of common values as a reference to explore new possibilities.
Your values serve as your internal compass, helping you navigate life’s big decisions. When you're unclear on your desires, checking them against your values often brings clarity.
4. Explore Your Passions and Interests
Your passions are often intertwined with your deeper desires. What excites you? What activities make you lose track of time? What did you love doing as a child, before societal expectations came into play?
To reconnect with your passions:
- List your hobbies and interests. What activities make you feel most alive?
- Experiment with new things. Try taking up a hobby you've never done before, volunteering in a different field, or traveling. Sometimes, stepping outside your comfort zone can reveal hidden passions.
- Look for flow states. What do you do that makes you feel completely immersed and absorbed in the moment?
Exploring your passions will help you understand not just what brings joy but also what you may want to pursue in life on a deeper level.
5. Recognize Limiting Beliefs
Often, we think we know what we want, but our desires may be clouded by limiting beliefs, fears, or societal expectations. For example, you might have been told that financial success is the key to happiness, but deep down, you crave a simpler, more meaningful existence.
Common Limiting Beliefs:
“I’m not good enough.”
“It’s too late to start something new.”
“Success equals financial wealth.”
"If I express my true self, I will be rejected."
To overcome your limiting beliefs:
- Identify the source of the belief.
Is this something you truly believe, or is it a projection from others or past experiences?
- Challenge your thoughts.
Ask, “Is this belief true? Is there evidence that suggests otherwise?”
- Replace limiting beliefs with empowering ones.
For example, “It’s never too late to pursue what I love,” or “Success comes in many forms.”
Breaking free from these mental barriers will open up new possibilities for what you really want in life.
6. Clarify Your Vision of Success
We all have different definitions of success. To know what you want, you must define what success looks like for you personally, rather than adopting someone else’s version.
Reflect on:
- What does a fulfilling life look like to me? Is it rooted in financial security, creative freedom, meaningful relationships, or something else entirely?
- What accomplishments or experiences would I regret not pursuing?
Creating a vision board or writing a personal mission statement can help crystallize your vision of success and keep it at the forefront of your mind as you navigate your path.
7. Take Action and Experiment
Clarity often comes through action, not just introspection.
While self-reflection is crucial, it’s through experimentation and taking small steps that you begin to truly understand what resonates with you.
How to Experiment:
- Set small, exploratory goals. If you're uncertain about a career, try freelancing or taking a course in that field.
- Test out new environments to see how they feel—whether it's moving to a new city, switching jobs, or changing your daily routine.
- Evaluate along the way. After trying something new, check in with yourself: Did this bring me closer to fulfillment? What felt right, and what didn’t?
The more you try, the more data you collect about what makes you happy and what doesn’t. It’s okay to pivot or change your course based on these experiences.
8. Accept Uncertainty
One of the biggest obstacles to knowing what you truly want is the fear of uncertainty. We often crave a definitive answer, but life is constantly evolving, and so are our desires. Accepting that not everything has to be set in stone allows you to stay open to new possibilities.
Tips for Embracing Uncertainty:
- Stay curious. Keep asking questions and exploring different facets of life.
- Be flexible. Life will present unexpected opportunities and challenges; be willing to adapt.
- Trust yourself. Even if you don’t have it all figured out, trust that you’ll find your way with time and experience.
Embracing uncertainty allows you to be more present and attuned to what feels right for you in each moment, instead of being paralyzed by the need for certainty.
Final Thoughts
Discovering what you truly want in life is not a one-time event but an ongoing process of self-awareness, exploration, and growth. It requires tuning into your inner voice, experimenting with new experiences, and staying true to your values.
If you find this process challenging or overwhelming, you're not alone. Sometimes, it’s hard to sift through the noise on your own, and that’s okay. Seeking professional guidance from a coach or therapist can provide the support you need to navigate this journey of self-discovery. As a life coach, I can create a safe space for you to explore these questions and uncover your true desires, guiding you toward a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.
Remember, it’s okay if your desires evolve over time—that’s a sign of growth. The most important thing is to stay open, curious, and aligned with what genuinely brings you joy and fulfillment. After all, life is less about finding the perfect answer and more about creating a life that feels deeply meaningful to you.
Hello there!
I'm Irena, your friendly neighborhood holistic life coach and eternal seeker of growth and fulfillment.
My blog is a reflection of my passion for holistic well-being, self-awareness, and living authentically.
Join me as we explore the depths of self-discovery, embrace healing, and unlock the power within you to create a life that fills you with joy and purpose.
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